Where can i find the thoughts to think
of even borderlining the explanation of my
unthoughtful sorrowful expression.
Hating hide and seek 
because words are hiding and im losing.
Losing the grip on life.
While loosing the tip top pitter pattering of my
my happiness.
Rage's smile melts my heart while
Spilling its contents into my
Frozen mind...
Why can't this get right!?
Patches of hair in my hands
Trying to pull out the misery from within.
The blank screen before me
shows me the life I wish I had - blank
Now, sadness + anger = my name's definition
 I notice my perdition is already in existence
when I notice the inevitable reality
which is the unattainable 'my way'

Life laughs in my face :(

"You are such a fool!
No one believes a paradox.
Who ever heard of a light burden?"

"No! He promised me that
He promised me the smooth ocean breeze through the strands... Of... Hair that's already in my hands
....
Hmm
...
No
He promised me peace of mind... But my mind is too cold to think.

Uh"

"Haha - this life is a joke!
No one can live it not even I could"

Get thee behind me satan would seem the easiest to say
But when lies act like truth
It makes the best reality show

I'm having gall juice's freshly squeezed homemade cup of madness
And just like nada builds coins
Nothing makes sense.

Is it so hard to be loved my way?
Its just visible and tangible all the time
Ugh
Please help

Please God just release me from my fate
The probability of my date slate-d to to erase me
Release me from these chains that leash ideas of embracing the grace that erases sinful deeds.

Are you even listening!
Do you even care that the evidence of my sanity is slipping away from my knowledge. Or shall I forever be in bondage?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Chill, there's more to life"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...
There it is
That still small maker of fools.
Ha... There is more to life? That is what you say?
Yet I feel strangely comforted
Something about that whisper
The undos the unbelief I had typed
And restores the hope my spirit had autosaved.

He makes me realize that there is a desire that is far more desirable than my present desires.
All my efforts are recorded
I'm relaxed.

God mathematically sums a paradox and makes it possible
Pleasure + pride = price to pay
Yet
Selflessly suffering servant = sufficient joy

The truth now becomes the obvious
There is more to life

Now, Peace is my destination
With a one way flight
I walk to the airport of my heart
Searching for my baggage
So they can be confiscated and destroyed
I really don't need any carry ons
Just need my Lord
My soul now weeps
Hope is itching its eyes
And just maybe this hardship
Is my glory in disguise